For a relationship to last, certain sacrifices have to be made. You HAVE to take the person for what he is, and what he’s not. For what he does and what he doesn’t do. Take the bad with the good.
I am going on a sabbatical from the blog life. I’ll have to find another avenue to vent out my frustrations, rants, and raves.
Thank you soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much.
There are days when you wake in the morning and everything feels great. And then there are days that are simply "blah". We all have days like that. Days that either start off wrong or days that carried over last night’s baggage and you wake up wanting to just kill yourself. That is my day today.
In the great taxonomy of things, there are the quitters and there are the sluggers. It’s not rocket science. Quitters are those who quit and the sluggers those who slug it out. The kind of people who keep on delivering hard blows during trying times. They miss out, they’ve struck out but they don’t give a damn.
I am a selective slugger. I am picky about which things to slug out. Why? I am a terrible loser. I hate it when others let me down and you can just imagine how I hate myself when I let myself down. As a form of damage deterrence, I pick my battles really well. That is, I only head-butt those that I am most likely to win. I don’t take defeat well but my system has insulated me from what would amount to years of self-loathing and expensive psychotherapy had I not discovered it at all.
Like all systems, my system has a flaw. It bucks down (or doesn’t operate at all) when I am in love. This has made my hardscrabble love life a discouraging flop. I just want to be happy. I want to be loved. Scratch that. I want to be true-loved. God, I hate this. It’s like laugh trip with annoi and jay all over again when we didn’t have love lives!!
Don’t you want to be happy? Aren’t you happy when you feel that you are loved? If you think otherwise, then you are in dire need of clinical psychological help because that thing that you have going on, it’s not normal, it’s not even deviant. It doesn’t need Frued to analyze that.
So there it is. The fluke. I want to be happy.
Did you know that the pursuit of happiness is an inalienable right in the
US . It’s waaay up there with life and liberty. I think it was toxic stupidity for Thomas Jefferson to have said it so. Chuang Tzu said that happiness is the absence of striving for happiness. I got that from a text message that arway forwarded. Thanks Arway. But such is human nature that the more succinctly we state the truth, the better we become at ignoring it. I see Americans all the time on TV and in the movies and they don’t look very happy. In fact, I’m watching the Oscar Red Carpet coverage rerun on right now and I’ve counted only 7 smiles in the past 4 minutes or so. Out of the 7, at least 5 are insincere. Weird huh? And they have it in their constitution! It’s not just the Americans. I see the same expression of troubled self-absorption here.. and in
Dubai .. and everywhere else I have traveled to. It’s a universal mask.
Here, we suffer the tyranny of fraudulent bonhomie. Big Brother has arrived as the great Smiley Face. I think I probably sensed this early, since I came from a barkada where nearly everyone drank themselves into oblivion during times like right after midterms and finals exams or the first day when school lets out for the Christmas break when happiness was most pathologically pursued.
My boyfriend and I had a fight last night in Greenhills. He made the age difference between us an issue. He said something offensive and I walked away. We haven’t spoken since. The walking away thing, it was very immature, but I was trying to avoid making a scene. Having thought about it, I ought to take a stab at graceful adulthood.
My new platitude: "Avoid the pursuit of happiness. Seek to define your mission and pursue that." It beats the old one that reads: Love, Life and the Unmarried Me: Single and looking.
My boyfriend asked me last night why I overlook the fact that he’s not there for me. I couldn’t really answer him then because I was caught off guard. It has dawned on me just now that it doesn’t bug me because I know that he’s working on it right now, and he’ll make it up to me. The differences between us, they’re not irreconcilable. We are a work in progress. Last night was just a misunderstanding.
Jefferson ’s aspiration had become a law. Anything can happen.
By the way, I didn’t sob home as I usually do. How’s that for mature?
Sadly, the sweetest guy I know isn’t my boyfriend. He’s just a friend, not even a very good friend. So why is he the sweetest guy I know? On February 15th, he surprised me at home at about 7 am. He bugged me like crazy to go with him for a jog, which I did, but only because I owed him big time for helping me out with a tax assignment I had trouble with, and because he looked liked he needed to lose a few pounds. So there we were in posh Rockwell, in our dri-fits which were so "dri" anymore, when he asked me if I’ve eve been on a picnic in the metro. My answer of course, was in the negtive. We took a hike back to his car and he got a picnic basket out; oh, and a checked blanket too.
For a while there I thought he was only kidding that he really had a picnic packed. But it wasn’t joke. I asked him if he was going to set it up in the parking lot and was really glad when he said no. He said he knows spot where we can have a picnic. He says he’s seen people have picnics there during lunch when he was still attending Ateneo law.
There must be a small picnic grove somewhere. I’m sure he knows the area like the back of his hand because: (1) he has lived in Makati all his life; and (2) he never missed a day of school in his four years in Rockwell. Worst case scenario would be that we would eat the yummy sandwiches his mom made sitting on the pavement. I was sooo wrong.
Well, it was kind of a grove. Ok, more like a tuft of grass. Another joke? That’s what I thought until he laid the plaid picnic blanket and unloaded the food from the basket. It’s a short walk from the back of the mall, in between the road you cross to get to Santi’s Deli. It was so weird that we were having a picnic there, in our sweats, and he didn’t care. People in business suits drove and walked past us and he didn’t give squat. It felt twilight zonish weird. Having people pass us by while we were having picnic on a tuft of grass. Weird and yet really sweet.
I’m hoping my boyfriend doesn’t get wind of this. You see, my boyfriend is not of the sweet species, he’s not really romantic too. Just poker faced, and serious, bt i love him like crazy. Once in a while, I’m guessing during a full moon, when the all the planets are aligned, and the cosmos is considered to be in chaos, he does something totally out of character that sweeps me off my feet, and makes me fall in love with him all over again.
Babe, if you ever get to read this post, don’t get jealous, aight? You know you’re my main man and I love you like crazy. The guy, he’s not even a close friend, and we don’t even like each other in that way. I just thought that what he did was sweet and post-worthy. He just wanted to take my mind off the things which are bugging me right now.
I have recently seen the movie Apocalyto. Seriously.. I don’t know what the heck is wrong with Mel Gibson. I wish he gets over this phase. Not that I really care.. It just makes me wonder if he’ll ever do an English flick again.. ever??
Apocalypto is, the very least, disturbing. I wish I hadn’t seen it. I’m not into the habit of making reviews about the movies I’ve seen. But like I’ve said, the movie is disturbing.
Can I be even more moronic? I actually asked my boyfriend what’s happening on screen whilst I covered my eyes. The movie wasn’t in English so I didn’t think I’d have a prob. But the thing is, my boyfriend gave me a frame by frame. "They’re chopping the head off, babe. They’re bowling it down the temple and they’re tossing the decapitated body the same way." At’s sick especially since the crowd is jeering and obviously enjoying the human sacrifice.
The end wasn’t really a happy one. Jaguar Paw is reunited with his family and as for his two pursuers, they greeted the conquistadors. History fills in the blanks that the barbarians led the foreigners to the city. Their gold were taken from them by the "gun bearers", they were exploited and then were annihilated from the face of the earth after that. So, who’s the more vile between the two?
The first night after I’ve seen it, I couldn’t sleep. This was before a two hour drive to Quezon. It’s so graphic and gory. The images have bored themselves into my subconscious and no amount of MTV or Jack TV can shake them off. I couldn’t eat meat for one whole day. To me, that’s tantamount to suicide. Gotta have my protein.
Mel Gibson could get a tip or two from Disney when in comes o toning down certain aspects of the story to make it more appealing. I’m not sure what crowd or viewer sector he was aiming for, but it’s sure not the "indie" crowd. Get it?? HAHAHA. I’m so corny. Better log off before I incriminate myself further. Abraham Lincoln said that "It’s better to keep your mouth shut and be thought of as a fool than speak up and remove all doubt."
So why did we go to see the movie? We didn’t want to have too wait to long for the one which we really wanted to see. If you’re having problems right now, and you want to keep your mind off them, this is the movie to see; after you’ve seen it, you won’t be able to think of anything else. For a day at least.
