fRom the 4 coRneRs of my mind II

You write about what you know.
This is what I know best. Lai inspired me to write this, my muse for this particular
entry. 

They say that the human heart is
incredibly resilient. It can withstand tremendous pain and still find it in itself
to forgive. If you’ve gone through what I have because of love you’d understand
why I hate love and its nefarious sidekick – broken heart.

I’m tired of taking the
love-alikes for a spin. My heart certainly can’t take anymore. I have waited
and waited, and waiting still for “the one”. I’ve waited forever, and still
___________. It’s similar to the wait of the sci-fi geeks for the mother ship
to come and beam them up. To them, it’d be the most glorious thing, but for the
non-believers, such as myself, it’s stir craziness. I have to give it to them
though; that’s solid rock faith. We all need something to believe in. To each
his own form of redemption. I don’t go to church a lot. I’m good once I’ve
attained my visit quota – 5 times a year. It’s not because I lack faith, I just
think that not attending Sunday service doesn’t make me any more Christian than
attending and putting the doctrines
into actual practice is more time-worthy than pondering about an omnipotent
being.

I’m not an ingrate. I thank God
plenty. Like when I’ve had a meal or a satisfying endeavor has paid off and a
lot more other things. Being only human, I question His wisdom whenever
something bad happens to me. Or in this case, why the right guy hasn’t come to
sweep me off my feet. I don’t even know why I’m affected, It’s just love. I
have a gazillion things to worry about other than love. I feel so bad, God
could smite me, and I’d be happy I’m finally dead! There are more important things
to put to right first, like hunger, and war, and the inequality between the
rich and the poor. Oh the injustice. There are things more important than love.
Or are there?

Love is what makes the world go
round baby!!  And so like the movers and
shakers of this world, alive, dead, fictitious or otherwise, I want in on the
action!

So now, I’m crying over spilt
milk. The love that I have, had, lost, and would still lose!

Dammit!! I’m doomed to be a
spinster.

This message was sent to me just
as I am wrapping up this entry. How timely.

“Hearts will never be practical
until they are made unbreakable.”

     — Wizard of Oz

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This is a repost. An entry of mine from way back which i remembered and had a good laugh reading. Just plain angst. Enjoy.
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PANDEAMONIUM: ‘demon-haunted world’

I’m really glad school’s finally
over for this term. Law school’s really not that bad; it’s kinda fun -
just as long as you keep up on the readings. It’s kinda boring now that
it’s sembreak. Atleast I wouldn’t have to contend with:

(1) the "horribilis Espana" jam
(that’s what I call it anyway. Traffic on Espana is terrible on any
given day [except maybe when it's late in the evening] and it’s
extremely painful on the pocket [especially if you've got one of those
guzzler 4x4's]; and

(2) the welgistas causing "horribilis Espana".

I hate what’s happening to this
country. I’m all for democracy and all but I guess it is true — THIS
COUNTRY IS GOING TO THE DOGS! It’s stupid that just because they don’t
have work, they get to hassle us — those who are trying just to get
along by till the day gets done. Most of them don’t even pay taxes for
crying out loud (they’re exempted! Lucky assholes!)! I’m not saying
that they shouldn’t assert their right or that their non-payment of
taxes should be taken against their right to raise their voice. I’d
rather that they do it in some practicable way or some practicable
place where traffic and business wouldn’t be paralyzed. Don’t they have
work? Oh yeah, I forgot, picketing IS their day job and whatever money-earning scheme they do otherwise is a sideline.

I know that these people are free to
do what they want with their time. I couldn’t even care less if they
are being used as pawns of the media and politics moguls who are full
of ruthless ambition and who invest in the excess and overblown
melodrama of yet another EDSA revolt. It’s not even patriotic anymore;
it’s cheesy!

They want a quick fix with the
‘gloria’ thing. I think the quick fix applies on a case to case basis.
It requires exigency. It shouldn’t be resorted to if other amicable
procedures are available. Granted, these people can do whatever they
want with/to themselves. They could wipe the floor with those using
them, they could succumb to the lure of a free meal ticket. Heck, I
don’t really give a f*ck what they do with their own time just as long
as they don’t meddle with mine while they’re doing it. I have a right
to hassle-free roadways just as much as they do to picketing.

It’s not the government’s job to
give you a job, you have to look for it! And it’s not its job to save
you from yourself, if you don’t want to be saved, the hell with you.
It’s not the government’s fault that you didn’t get a decent education
because you spent your time slacking off, or that your mom was
unemployed and spent her day brewing chismis about the neighbors, or your dad was a shirtless drunk who was a fixture at the nearby suking tindahan.
Don’t blame the government for your personal stupidity. It’s stuck in a
hell-hole just like you are because of people like you!

Freedom isn’t free; it comes with a
trainload of responsibility. Come to think of it, I really can’t blame
corrupt politicians for stealing money. These politicians are indebted
to the people who put them in the position — the masa. These
people on the other hand expect their mayors, governors, congressmen,
and the rest of the posse, to feed them, bury their dead, send their
kids to school, get them employment and pay their hospital bills! The
politicians on the other hand, won’t give them money they’ve inherited
from their parents’ sweat and hardwork, or from their own toil; they’re
going to give money they didn’t have to break their back for. They take
it from the national coffers! Poor people shouldn’t be complaining
about corrupt politicians or officers stealing from the government.
These politicians didn’t steal from them! They stole from the noble
working class. So, if anyone should be complaining, it should be us, or
my parents, or yours, for that matter. But we’re smarter than that. If
these people want their lives to get better, they should get off their
dumb lazy asses, stop bearing kids they can’t afford to support, and
find jobs.

There! I’ve said my piece. I’m done.      

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"I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired!"

I woke up this morning relentlessly bummed. Well, I’m going to post something
quirky and light for a change.

Yesterday was a Thursday. And like most, if not all Thursdays this term, I’ll
be having Tax in school from  600-800pm. "Pay up and shut up"
was something Atty. Bandonell said in class yesterday and it caught my
attention. Catchy huh? As an assay, I know not all of you who read my blog
would be able to relate but it has  something to do with the inevitability
attached to taxation, or rather, once you’ve been imposed one. Taxes are after
all what we pay for a civilized society. There’s really not much you can do,
you just pay up and shut up. You can avail of the remedies afforded you by the
law but you can only do that after payment in protest. So you still pay and by
the time you get your day in court, you’ve decided to just shut up because
being the smart person that you are, your case would be tied up for years in
court and you’d be blowing money off in representation when you could have
saved that up and planned a Euro trip.

Anyhow, "pay up and shut" is also applicable to
kids. I don’t have kids myself but I am my parents’ kid and I know for a fact
that there are some things that parents just can’t do anything about but to pay
up and then shut up bout it.

I have nephews and nieces and I know I spoil them any chance I get. Though I
have to say, I am partial to the girls. I spoil them rotten. I buy them kikay
stuff whenever I can and apply make-up and do their hair when they feel like cooperating.
Other than gaining weight as I type right now, I am watching Oprah on Star
World. She’s got adorable and witty kids on her show and it’s really cute. Kids
are the most amazing beings. They can say the dumbest things and it would sound
smart. They can screw up spectacularly and survive unscathed. On top of that,
they can mess up without ever having to claim responsibility. But you know that’s
just a generalization. There are a few who slip though the net holes. Hey, if
the kid is Billy Madison-dumb, then he’s just plain dumb.

Most of the kids I know right now are smart beyond their
years. Must be the formula being fed to them; a cocktail of space age chemicals
I can’t even pronounce much yet remember. My nephews and nieces are
wise-crackers and jokers. On a good day, they are so adorably sweet. I’m not
saying that they’re angels. The girls would grow horns on their heads if it
were possible.

I am especially fond of Kisha. She could very well be the
devil’s spawn when the tantrum kicks in. She flails around like she’s possessed
and throws things around. If you’re lucky, you get to hear her belt out her own
impersonation of Janet Leigh in the original “Psycho”. She is my cousin’s
daughter and I love her like crazy. If you’ve ever got the chance to take a
glance into my profile, she has a video in there somewhere in the testimonials
busting a groove. Finally, someone in the family who’s even more severely
whacked than I am!

I read once that that
in life, you have to have a well-developed sense of irony and a fine appreciation
of the absurd to get by without being clinically declared insane. The kiddies have
finely tweaked me to that and more.

Kisha, Marla, Migs and
Ten, we’re stuck for life, if not for the next lives.

Thanks for making my Sundays
extra special.

TPDT*!

*Totally Psyched Doing
This. I know; I’m weird; to the extent that I am now creating my own acronyms
in the hope that it would catch on.

To lai, vange, mia, annoi,
dianne, jeanie, my blog-fan vren, and to everyone who reads my blog, thank you so much. And
thank you for the comments.

A shout out to Avel
pala. I told him last night in class that I’d be posting today. Kaya natin to
seatmate!! *LOLS*

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In the name of full disclosure, I should tell you that I am a hideous loser. I never keep my baser emotions to myself. I whine, I bicker, I curse. If I repress myself, I get zits,falling hair, the risk of heart attacks or worse. It’s not the best of manners but dishonesty is a sin. Ain’t human nature a strange and twisted thing?

I will be turning 26 in a couple of days. I’m still in school. I still live with my parents. I’m still not married. The future looks bleak. Regardless of the wildly divergent interpretations made by my peers, I am officially a LOSER!!

Of all the three enumerated loser-some traits, I most hate that everyone has married before me. My cousins are now parents and are thankfully done with school. I, on the other hand, is still basking (??) in single-dom. I don’t think I’ll ever walk the aisle as a bride. It ain’t me. It’s just not in the cards and not in the stars. Why don’t my parents just stick me in an iceberg and send me off to sea?

Well, of course, there’s a possibility that I would steal away  to some exotic destination and elope  but then that doesn’t make me married. Came pretty close once but then the stark reality that "engaged is not married" hit us.  I’m not cut out to be a wife. However, I do believe that I am cut out to be holed up in a bunker somehow with a well-behaved monkey.

I should have expected it. Every family has a "zorayda" or "richie d’ horsey’ among them. I am my family’s "zorayda". Not exactly ugly but not pleasing to look at either. My female cousins are tall and mestizas and I’m short and stout. To give a cinematic reference, whenever I’d stand next to them, we’d resemble Dorothy and a Munchkin from The Wizard of Oz. I’ll just have to face it, I’m ugly, that makes it hard for my parents to "sail" me.

Since I can’t be "bimbo-esque" like my cousins, I’m lucky that my friends have got me wired. On a good day, they indulge my empty meaningless words tumbling out of my mouth about my bizarre carnie fantasies. Seriously, I have at one point in my life, decided to run away from home to join the circus. It never materialized.  Mainly because I wasn’t able to steal away with it when it hit town where I grew up; and there aren’t any circuses here in Manila when I relocated, only "peryas" and that’s so uugghh.

Can’t wait for the 28th. Can’t wait for a demonic vortex to suck me in or maybe spew me off into an alternate universe.

In the meantime, I’ll be forming a secret club for only the "cool" aka *loser-poseur*.

Spread the Love!!

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“The perfect man is gentle. Never
cruel or mean. He has a beautiful smile and keeps his face clean. The prefect
man likes children and will raise them by my side. He will be a good father and
husband and he will provide. The perfect man loves to cook and he’ll do
anything in his power to convey his love for me. The perfect man is sweet. Writing
poetry from my name. He’s a best friend to my mommy and kisses away my pain. He’ll
never make me cry or batter me in any way. Umm.. To hell with this endless
poem. The Perfect Man is GAY.”

How anti-love or rather
anti-true-love!! I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the perfect guy doesn’t
exist!!

To Annoi who still believes in tru love, inspite and despite of, I’ll find you a dude before your heart atrophies, and if you don’t like him like the other guys I’ve set you up with, you can pass him on to a needy friend. Like Hali? *lols*

It’s friggin three in the morning and I can’t sleep. I’ve decided to quit smoking. I’ve been going cold turkey for two days now and I don’t know how much longer I’d be able to hang on. Smoking a cig is really satisfying — like eating creme brulee. My synapses are grappling with an incapacitating case of The Block. OMG, it’s awful, like constipation for the brain.

Must stop this now. I obviously shouldn’t be taking on too much. I haven’t recovered yet from that whacked monday I spent with Lai and May.

I think the author of this blog is still under repair.

Cheerio! =)

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