a bittersweet symphony

Posted on June 25th, 2006 in Uncategorized by abbey llanes

"My life consists of endless hours spent waiting for a
miracle, for true love, for an adventure with the same romantic ending I had
seen in films and read in books. A writer once said that it is not time that
changes man, nor knowledge; the only thing that can change someone’s mind is
love."

I am fickle by nature. It is after all a woman’s
prerogative.

Being in love with you has changed my mind about a lot of
things. What used to matter don’t anymore – pride, ideals, dignity, my closest
friend.

I had to let go of a lot just so I won’t lose you. Not
everyone gets to live the sweet life; I am no exception.

I Love You.

a letter to the guy who calls me “his messy beautiful twisted sunshine”

Posted on June 20th, 2006 in Uncategorized by abbey llanes

Thank you for staying up late
last night with me; listening to my whines and gripes. It’s been a tough year
for me and you’ve been nothing but super nice. I couldn’t tell these things to
you so I’m hoping that you might get to read this. 

All this time that we’ve been
good friends, I’ve more often than not, taken your attention for me for
granted. I’m sorry.

I’m sorry I told you your
affections are mis-guided. I love you, you know that. It’s just that not in the
way you would want me to. You’ve always had my back and I have yours. That’s
how it’s always been. Can’t we just leave it at that?

Last night when you told me about how you felt, I was kind
of expecting it. It was nice having to hear you say you love me. Not in the
slanted-buddy-kind of way that you used to when we’d kid around. And it was
flattering to know that you felt so deeply for me. Kinda funny too how you
remembered most of the things I’ve told you over the years and used them
against me. You were so adorably cute.

You are the closest guy to my heart right now. It hurts me
to see that you’re just waiting in the wings for me. You should be dating girls
I could diss not waiting around for when I break up with a guy and go for the
kill.

You’ve told me a million times how frustrating it is for
you to be with me knowing that you’ll never have me and yet you can’t stay
away, I think that’s sweet.

When you tell me that you like what I’m wearing and that I
look beautiful on a particular day — that’s hot.

But when you tell me pleadingly, and you give me that
puppy dog look not to tell anyone that I have the hots for you and that I’m
just dying to marry you and have your kids — that’s just sick!

 

Maybe I’ll feel for you the way
you the way you want me to. But for now, let’s not sweat the small stuff. This
too shall pass and our time will come. 

ps>> Stop calling me a
hooters girl!!

Officially missing you

Posted on June 5th, 2006 in Uncategorized by abbey llanes

** Not really sure if you still read my blogs. This one’s going out to you though ex-babe. Hope I’m holding up as good as you. But I’m not.  Luv you much…

All I hear is raindrops
Falling on the rooftop
Oh baby tell me why’d you have to go
Cause this pain I feel
It wont go away
And today I’m officially missing you
I thought that from this heartache
I could escape
But I fronted long enough to know
There ain’t no way
And today
I’m officially missing you

[Chorus]
Oh can’t nobody do it like you
Said every little thing you do
Hey baby say it stays on my mind
And I, I’m officially

[Verse Two]
All I do is lay around
Two ears full of tears
From looking at your face on the wall
Just a week ago you were my baby
Now I don’t even know you at all
I don’t know you at all
Well I wish that you would call me right now
So that I could get through to you somehow
But I guess it’s safe to say baby safe to say
That I’m officially missing you

[Chorus]

[Bridge]
Well I thought I could just get over you baby
But I see that’s something I just can’t do
From the way you would hold me
To the sweet things you told me
I just can’t find a way
To let go of you

[Chorus]

It official
You know that I’m missing you
Yeah yes
All I hear is raindrops
And I’m officially missing you

The Perfect Guy

Posted on June 2nd, 2006 in Uncategorized by abbey llanes

Love is not friendship on fire.

The moon is just a rock.

People just always hear. They never listen.

Saying sorry you bungled up a relationship is overrated.

New people are just new people for a day. After that they’re
just people. People who could disappoint you.

Brownies and ice cream can’t fix everything up.

Sometimes you just can’t stick it out.

The Prince and the Princess don’t always run off into the
sunset together.

 

NEWSFLASH: The perfect guy doesn’t exist.

**I don’t know how I ever got so cynical. Being dumped is
good. I’m used to that. I’m so through with romance. I’m never letting anyone
near me enough to hurt me again.

It’s personal.

*Achtung!*

Posted on June 2nd, 2006 in Uncategorized by abbey llanes

Ever woke up in the dead of the
night and feel that something isn’t right but you just can’t point your finger
at it? Scary huh? I hate it when that happens.

You know what else is scary? Going out with a friend for
drinks and almost getting raped. He’s not the type of friend you’re close to.
Just someone you know from school and has shared a few rounds with after a
tough day of recits or exams. Someone who has the same “problems of the heart”
as you do and getting zonked is just another way of dulling the pain that
usually comes with loving someone. Everything’s dandy as the alcohol kicks in, until the groping begins.
You fend it off. Then the groping turns
to brute force and your body instinctively fights it off. You get away with an
extremely lucky break with bruises you can’t explain the day after. 

What’s as scary as this? Being
the person the “almost rape victim” calls for help and you’re in Tagaytay on a
tryst and you can’t respond to the call for help other than call another friend
who lives in the vicinity. The guilt trip really gets to you when the whole
ordeal is over and you think about everything that transpired. Is it your fault
or the victim’s?

This happened last night. It made
me fear for my own mortality.

I hate reality checks. It makes
you realize that your life isn’t as charmed as you thought it was. Especially
when you’ve gone though a really bad time and things are just beginning to
settle down. I also hate nursing a broken heart. I’ve been nursing one for a
month now and it doesn’t look like the sun is going to shine anytime soon.

My problems are stacked a mile high and I’m hopeless.

Annoy is right. It all begins
and ends with love.  

I want to fall in love. Not the constricting kind of love
that most of us have gotten used to. Certainly not the ‘love-a-likes’. Not the
overrated kind you see on tv, the movies, or the kind you read about in books.

The carefree kind. The kind where you hold hands and
everything is alright with the world. No worries. No jealousy. You fight but
then you make up. No complications. The kind you don’t lose hope over. The kind you don’t need make promises
to stick around because you know that he’s yours and you’re his and nothing
will come between you.

With my luck, it’s never going to happen.

TTFN.. Still have a broken heart to nurse.