fRom the 4 coRneRs of my mind II

This was supposed to have been posted a couple of weeks
ago. I never got around to posting it but am posting it now for posterity’s
sake.

Tea or coffee? Sugar? Cream?
That’s just a beverage and you’ve just woken up. Ever realized how many choices
you have to make in a day? Some decisions are as mundane as choosing a beverage
or whether you’re gonna have the wish stick left in your pack of cigs or save
it for later. But then again, you’re not always blessed with a choice. Or maybe
you are, but then it’s a toss between saving face or being a doormat.

I think the toughest decision to make is one that
concerns matters of the heart. You either live with it or deal with it.
Breaking up consumes a lot of energy. It sucks everything from you. It suspends
you in some kind of limbo and stops you from functioning like a real person. It
turns you into a zombie and before you realize it, you’re just going through
the motions of existing. Struggling through a routine to just get the day over
with and then dragging yourself to doing the same routine the next day and the
days after that. Most times, it just lasts for a couple of days. You break up,
you give a good cry, and you move on. That simple. But when you’re as unlucky
as having found the love of your life and losing him because you’ve had a rough
day, it drags on for weeks, months or maybe even years. You feel like the
accursed being that’s been punished to roll a boulder up a hill only to have it
roll back over at you when you get to the top.

Love sucks and so do lovers. *Tama ba, bob?*

Last night, I had the displeasure of having to lose
someone I feel deeply for. True love if you may call it so. Was so damned tired
and I didn’t have the energy to stretch my patience. I don’t know if I’ll ever
get him back or if I’ll ever get to talk or see him again. All I know is that I
deeply loved him and I lost him, in a blink of an eye, over a lousy text
message. Something about what he said just made me snap and all of a sudden I
felt like I was being taken for a ride, taken for granted, and it’s all because
he’s one of those guys who doesn’t say what he really feels. The kind who hurls
out sarcastic remarks over sms where you can never really tell if he’s being
sincere or if he’s making a face while tapping the keys. Texting something like
“ok enjoy”. How am I supposed to construe that? Do I take it literally or am I
supposed to be stupid; ask him every time he lets out a remark like that if he’s
being sarcastic? Maybe I should just ask him to tell me that he’s being
sarcastic in the same message where he’s lashing sarcasm out at me.

Sometimes you’ve got to hate technology. It makes
everything so freakingly easy and ironically, complicated.

I don’t think I’ll love anybody else after him.

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I hate hearing love songs on the radio. It’s sappy and
sickening. I hate it for he same reason that Ne-yo does. It’s a reminder of how
painful loving someone is. Well, not all songs. Just the overly romantic ones.
Ones that promise of perpetual love and faithfulness. THAT DOESN’T HAPPEN IN
REAL LIFE!!!

I hate being in love. Was
chatting to a friend of mine about that yesterday. After being dissed and
dismissed for the nth time, she still has spunk left in her to believe (with
all passion) in true love and that someday, it’ll come to her! I commend her. Ang
lakas ng fighting spirit eh! Anyhow, we were talking about how almost
everything is about love. She said the movie MI3 was a love story after all. I
told her even the goriest horror flicks are love stories – Dracula trying to
win Mina over and Frankenstein in search of Mrs. Frankenstein.

I have an aversion for true love.
True love lang.. I’m not anti love. I am in love right now and I hate
it. I hate how you can still be with someone but still feel lonely. I thought I
have found it, but then lost it – TWICE!! Oh ha!! The second time I
found it, I thought I was I was lucky to have found it. Tough luck for me, I
was the only one who thought it was true love. Haha. The guy and I are till
together though (even after finding out that he only conditionally loves me). *hoot*
It couldn’t be harder to us to be together than it is for us to be apart. Besides,
a guy like him doesn’t come often. He’s a far cry from the last guy I dated who muttered to himself, constantly
scribbles on loose case digest pages and screams “THE PEARL!” *rolf*

I hate the Disney Company for screwing me up. I’m irreparably
damaged because of their cartoons. All their classics revolve around two main
themes. It’s either about getting the guy or saving the girl and living happily
ever after; leaving out all the sordid details and pitfalls of falling in love.
Except of course Bambi and Dumbo. On second thought, watching Bambi may have
damaged me for life too. Picture this, a four year old kid, raised by her
grandmother, watching Bambi witness her mother being killed by the hunter. Sad
no? I’m pretty sure I may attribute my other mental instabilities to that
particular scene. As for Dumbo, who gives a fart about a flying elephant? Kisha,
my niece doesn’t know who Dumbo is. I bet yours doesn’t either.

Going back. Don’t you just hate it
when you hear “that” song? That ridiculous song you could name in two notes and
would remind you of: (1) the one who got away, (2) awaken the long-dormant
emotions you took forever to get rid of (or so you thought); (3) the promise of
the marriage that would condemn you to a normal (??) life; and (4) how
particularly tragic it was to find out that it was a farce!

Welcome back to the
real world!!! 

No matter how beautifully the
song was penned, or how it has the knack for jerking your tears when you
thought you we’re all cried out, no matter how fabulously or life changing the
repulsive song may be, It’s Just a Song and you can’t just turn off the radio.
Don’t let it get you down. Hate it but don’t let it drag to you the doldrums.

Gotta go. Gotta practice what I
preach.  

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