fRom the 4 coRneRs of my mind II

The great physicist Faraday was once quoted to have said that "Nothing is too wonderful to be true." He’s probably right. Was having what could have been the best week in months until last Saturday when I made a total fool of myself in front of Anel. Why couldn’t I just have stopped at "Haven’t seen you in a while."? Mega Bummer! Had to tell him that I thought he looked good! Aaarrgh…. As if that wasn’t enough, I probably had that goofy-starstruck look in my eyes! How lame is that?!

But then again, no matter how fu**ed up things are with me, I could never screw stuff up like Annoi!! Hehehe.. Sa love lang naman daba?! Both us think that we’re built for the kill. Trying our damned best to get our prey only to find out in the end that WE ARE the prey!! DAMMIT!! Still, we manage to laugh it up, crack jokes about it, go home, smoke a cig, sleep it off, and fall prey for the next guy who comes along.

Ann, Jayhan was the one who forwarded this poem to me. No offense, I really thought of you while I read it. Must be because of your jokes yesterday during our case audit. Or maybe because it’s similar to the pieces you wrote and showed jaja and I while we were burning contraband in the girls room — quirky, funny, yet gossipy true! GO ATENEO!!

   

<<Ang Tipo Kong Love>>

Ang gusto kong love
Yung masarap magbigay nang backrub
Yung hindi mahihiyang makipaghalikan sa taxicab
Yun, yun ang masarap na love

Ang gusto kong love
Yung tipong pipigilan ka mag-yosi
Di ka papayagang mag-sindi
Kaya matututo kang maglumlum nang candy
Kasi nga, bawal na sayo magyosi
Allergic daw sya sa yosi
Tapos magmomonologue nang:
”Magyoyosi ka na naman? Kakayosi mo lang, ah
Nagyosi ka na nga bago kumain
Magyoyosi ka pa pagkatapos kumain
Pang-apat na stick mo na yan
Akala ko ba sabi mo di ka na magyoyosi?
Di mo ata ako love, eh.”
Pero actually
Lahat nang tao sa bahay nila, adik sa yosi
Nanay nya, tatay nya, mga kuya nya
Allergy-allergy¡¦Meron bang allergy sa yosi?
Alam nyo yun, yung tipong
Gusto nya lang masabi nang mga tao na
”kita nyo, napasunod nya yung boyfriend nya”
Yung tipong ganun ka-controlling
Yun. Yun ang tipo kong love
Medyo controlling.

Ang gusto kong love
Yung hindi mahihiyang magpalibre
Kahit compared sayo, yung allowance nya doble
Yung pagmanonood kayo nang sine
Hinding-hindi maglalabas nang wallet
Hihintayin kang magbayad para sa ticket
Kaya kahit para sa bulsa mo masakit
Iisipin mo na lang
”Ayos lang, love ko naman
Pero sana, sya naman gumastos paminsan-minsan.”
Yung tipong ganun na love
Kasi feeling ko, pagnahihiya sya gastusin ang pera mo
Nahihiya rin syang tanggapin ang love mo
Yun. Yun ang tipo kong love.
Medyo magastos.

Ang gusto kong love
Yung tipong pagkasama nyo ang barkada mo
Biglang makikipagkwentuhan sa iyo tunkol
Sa mga topics na hindi naman alam nang barkada mo
Para lang ma-alienate ang barkada mo
And just to show it to them na
Meron na kayong sariling mundo.
Yung tipong biglang makikipagkwentuhan sayo
Tunkol sa plans nyo na mag-out-of-town this summer
O kaya tungkol dun sa movie date nyo
Na as usual ay ikaw ang nagbayad
So hindi tuloy makakasabay yung mga barkada mo sa usapan
Dahil kayong dalawa lang ang nagkakaintindihan
Kaya susubukan mong ibahin ang topic
Pero ibabalik nya dun sa plano nyong pumunta nang Subic
O kaya bigla nyang maiisipan na i-update ka
Tunkol sa buhay-buhay nang mga friends nya
Kaya yung mga friends MO, naka-tanga
Kasi kayong dalawa lang ang tawa nang tawa
Yun. Yun ang tipo kong love.
Medyo elitista.

Ang gusto kong love
Yung mumurahin ka sa text pag hindi ka nakapagreply
Kasalanan mo bang maubusan nang load
Sa gitna nang immersion nyo sa Sitio Payonggayong
Sa gitna nang Mindoro Occidental?
(Tunog nang Text: Tutututut-tututut)
”Hi, LOVE. WHAT R U DOING?”
(Tunog nang text)
”HEY, BAKIT DI KA REPLY. SAD FACE.”
(Tunog nang text)
”HMPH. BUSY KA ATA. SIGE GUDNAYT NA”
(Tunog nang text)
”PUTANGINANGMONGHAYOPKA. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. OK FINE, WAG KA MAGREPLY. NAGSESEX KAYO NO? NAGSESEX KAYO NO? PUTA KA. GAGO.”
(Tunog nang text)
”Hoy. Sorry na. Ikaw kasi eh. Di ka nagrereply. Sorry po. Mwah.”
Yung tipong ganun
Yung tipong kaya naimbento ang SUN CELLULAR
Para sa ganung klase nang love
Yung tipong ganun na love
Yun. Yun ang tipo kong love.
Medyo demanding.

Ang gusto kong love
Ang gusto kong love yung pagnasa simbahan kayo
Sa gitna nang misa
Uutusan kang magflex nang bicep mo
Tapos pagpapraktisan nang suntok nya
Palakas nang palakas, tapos magtatanong pa
”Masakit ba?”
Ikaw naman, parang tanga
”Hindi, Sige, lakasan mo pa”
Pero sa totoo lang, naiiyak ka na
Kasi mga muscles mo namamaga na
Hanggang bukas, braso mo manhid pa
Yun. Yun ang tipo kong love.
Medyo mahilig sa boxing.

Ang tipo kong love
Yung makikipag-agawan pa para sa last piece of pizza
Yung kinikilig pag ika’y kumakanta
Yung ang tawag sa mommy mo, “Tita”

Yung memorized ang schedule mo every semester
Yung alam kahit na plate number
Nang kotse nang kuya mong Wheelers International Member

Yung makikiprint ng thesis nya
Tunkol sa POSTMODERN THEORIES ON THE TRI-MEDIA
Kasi nang-hihinayang daw sya
Baka daw maubos ang ink nila

Yung tatanungin ka kung sino ang mas gusto mo ma-i-kama
Sya ba o si Jen Rosendhal ba?
Tapos maiinis pag sumagot ka.
Naman, si Jen yun eh. Ano naman ineexpect nya?

Ang gusto kong love?
Yung sa akin lang sya in-love.

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I, with anxious hands,

opened the nearly forgotten letter.

It says,

Next time,

     Don’t tell me false promises

     Don’t make a fool out of me

     Don’t play with me

     Don’t make me feel you love me

     but the truth is,

     You want me to let yougo.

Next time

     when you walk out the door

     don’t say anything

     or return with lies

     Just go

     Don’t look back

     I can’t breathe

     My heart shrivels in pain

     and tears fall rapidly down my cheeks.

Next time

     put away that smile

     and never offer me a seat.

     Don’t be a gentleman.

     Don’t remind of the stories of the past.

     I’m afraid, so afraid

     I might fall again, be trapped around your arms.

     I might forget the mistakes I made.

     I’m afraid that I might love you with all my love.

I, teary eyed,

folded the letter then

deeply sighed.

                                 

This is a poem I read in The Barrister. An almost tear-jerker. It was written by Russell Taclao and I really loved it.

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I am the typical gen X-er and a prototype gen Y-er of a disaffected twenty-something generation. I am still in full control of my faculties but I can’t stop talking about my secret crush. I don’t think it’s even a secret anymore. Jr’s laughing smack in my face for liking him, Jay gives me his trademark subtle sneer whenever I gush about it, Lai is supportive and the others couldn’t care less. I hate the fact that there’s this girl who follows him like a pup and that he’d rather hang around with her than with me. We’re not exactly close but I would want to believe that we’ve bonded over the terms we’ve known each other.

I’m like the hindenburg of love. Every relationship I’ve evr been in ends in a disaster. I fall for guys with the witty word play, the inward and uninvolved attitude, the invisible protective barrier but not the total narcissist! It’s a beautiful irony. This guy isn’t any different. Sure, we’d greet each other in the hallway, joke and laugh in the 4th floor lib, flash a smile at each other in the classes we share, flirt during the rare times we’re out on a gimik; but I don’t think he’ll see more than ‘just abbey’. The ‘pare’, the ‘dude’, the ‘class beadle’, the ‘class president’, the ‘friend’, the ‘meantime girl’ in between girlfriends. Last thursday, I resolved that if I can’t have him, the "SHE" couldn’t have him either. Not that I’m too selfish, it’s just that SHE’s not the right kind of girl for him. I love him enough not to let him go through the kind of shit "SHE" would subject him to. They say that discretion is the better part of valour. I Disagree. The boy is MINE! Adversely quixotic perhaps, but it is one I would pursue with a vengeance!

I see red everytime I see her flirting with him. Makes me wonder who’s watching hell when she’s in school. Sometimes I feel guilty about being so catty with her but I just can’t help it. She’s always zealously perky when he’s around. Prancing around school like it’s "Sunshine Land". She makes me sick! I wish that for just one day, she’d forget to take her ‘happy’ pill, be disgustingly snippy, and get sucked into a parallel universe, never to be seen again!          

I’m in limbo. Been so damned busy the past 2 weeks that I didn’t even get to ponder about my ‘wasted’ existence; until now! Slept the whole day yesterday. Was so worn out. Saturday was yet another lousy day. Attended class without reading a single word. Thought about studying for civ pro the night before, even went home early, but was too damned tired. I could have had some studying done if I skipped lunch when I got to school an hour before class, and didn’t waste valuable minutes goofing off with jr and jay. Felt sorry for jay though. We were called on to recite at the same time and we both went cold-turkey. Hehehe.. Labor law wasn’t so bad. Was called on to recite, i think i did fairly well. Jr was called on too. On the brighter side, we wouldn’t have to worry about being called on by Tuozo to recite again this term.

That’s about it for now.   

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This is my life’s philosophy (so far) filtering out. I am presently skating on thin ice.

SECTION I

(1) Don’t ever fall for a guy who happens to be a close friend.

(2) Never ever hook up with the person as described in Paragraph (1).

(3) When you abandon a lost cause — MEAN IT! As may be correlated to Paragraphs (1) and (2).

(4) Don’t flirt but don’t avoid.

(5) Don’t hide your feelings under the guise of well-honed wit!

(6) Don’t get too attached! Stick to being just friends.

(7) Don’t hitch a ride with him after a drinking binge and sit in the car while it’s parked smack in your doorstep for 30 minutes. (It’s the perfect ruse!)

(8) Don’t misconstrue ‘brotherly love’ for ‘like — like potential couple like’.

(9) Resist and desist even though it’s ever sooooo tempting.

(10) Forget the hype and be yourself. Yeah right! As if the mind set’s gonna sink in!

(11) Don’t think that you’re almost numb enough for a rebound relationship two-weeks after breaking up.

SECTION II

(1) Don’t be too pragmatic.

(2) Forget the hype. Be myself. Which one? As may be correlated to Sec. I, Par. 10.

(3) Show up when you say you would.

(4) Return law books you borrowed the break after the semester you’ve used them.

(5) Don’t make fun of other’s genetic quirks! Other than being utterly mean and positively hurtful, karma soon catches up on you — THREE-FOLD!

(6) Don’t spread yourself too far trying to clog your calendar with various commitments.

(7) Wait for that little rubberband in your head to snap before doing anything impulsive. Then maybe you wouldn’t blame youself for f**king up; you could always excuse yourself by saying that you tried but it was beyonf your control.

(7) Don’t abuse the doctrines of privileged communication and implied knowledge.

(8) The mitigating circumstance of passion and obfuscation requires all the elements for application.

(9) Keep in mind that even the brightest stars can’t shine forever.

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Yipee!! Didn’t have school today! Spent it with Ryan just bumming here at home. Had midterms in Civ Pro yesterday. T’was one totally f**cked up-ed test. Ironically simple yet compilicated. Had to go out with Jay and Jr for drinks after.

Got only 3 more exams left. Not a cause for celebrating though. I don’t think I did fairly well. Anyhow, atleast I had a blast on my birthday!

One thing to look forward to — this saturday! I’ll keep the reason to myself.

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