fRom the 4 coRneRs of my mind II

I am so bad right now.. I am having evil thoughts. "Evil" thoughts about someone. Guess it’s all a matter of perspective. The thoughts aren’t exactly evil per se, but rather more of a moral/ethical question. I need to make a life changing decision and it’s a tug among the good, the bad, the ugly, and the deperately hopeless. If only it were as easy as falling in love. Now that’s something a little less complicated. You fall in, you fall out, you hate each other. The story of my life! Wish I could play the self-righteous, indignant kind of girl for once instead of being brutally frank and impulsive.

Still haven’t got a chimmy. I am so desparate for one! Looked everywhere, asked from everyone, it’s been a million lightyears and still "         ". It’s the only thing that’s supposed to make my third world existence bearable and I can’t even have that.

Went out with Lady and Donna the other night for drinks. It was nice seeing them. Oh yeah, wawa ryan. He figured in an automobile accident the same night I was enjoying cocktails with my friends. To think that I was pissed at him pa. Poor guy almost died. He was sweet enough to tell me that he thought about me at the moment of impact. Dunno if it’s true though. It sounds like a line from a sappy soap. He’s beginning to grow on me. He’s a Virgo; mia says that Virgos are loving, doting boyfriends. Might give him a chance. He’s not my boyfriend yet and he spoils me rotten. He just scares me though. The way he rides about town like Evil Knieval on his bike. He’s like a male version of me — an accident waiting to happen! I love speed but i don’t go for cheap thrills. Now I’ve gotten myself in a fix by promising that I will take a spin with him on his bike. The sweetest taboo; only death could be more sweet! Hope he feels better soon.

For the record — we aren’t exclusively dating. I could still go out with whomsoever I fancy. Ryan’s really cool but I don’t think I’m upto speed with his kind of thrill. Was so worried about him the other day. Can’t imagine myself flipping out everytime he rides off on his bike.         

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Been terribly sick since wednesday. Had a bad bout with the flu. Missed two whole days of school (technically, it was just one coz Atty. Rico didn’t hold class on thursday and friday was a holiday). I’m just beginning to feel better. Didn’t really get much rest. My ninang says it must be fatigue but having a temp didn’t really stop me from going out of the house yesterday. For two reasons: (1) I couldn’t miss another civ pro class (and it’s not because I have the hots for Herbacio! Believe me, I don’t!); and (2) I had a long standing date with Ryan Sibal. I felt terrible in school yesterday and I’m glad the usual pests made themselves scarce. Was it that or was I too busy staring bankly into space.

Lai, it is with great pleasure (and pride na rin) that I am telling you that I have broken free from the series of black civics and ‘98 crvs! You have to admit, that was a digustingly cruel twist of fate. From Papu (that’s RC or Pao to you guys!! *winkwink*) to Sen, who would have thought they’d have the same cars! As I was saying, I’ve so totally outgrown that. I’ve moved on to a bloodshot red civic!! HAHAHA!! Not a substantial deviation but it’s a nice break!

Ryan was uber nice. Super sweet and super funny! he’s not loud and upto a certain extent brilliant. Astig! Never really thought I’d ever go out with a biker dude but he has a cool bike. He’s almost a year younger than I am but he graduated college a year before I did. (Not for anything else, but I kinda took the long route having studied under a brit curriculum. Don’t.. say it.. i’m not trying to point a finger here.) He makes good eye contact. He drives like a maniac! Kinda like RC but not quite (I love the way, Pao weaves through the traffic in Philcoa in highspeed. Partida pa yun ha, CRV’s from my experiences don’t handle quite as well as sedans! Right mae?).. but then again, he could have probably just been trying to impress me with his driving skills. Zilch effect. His honesty is refreshing. We went to 3 places before we settled for Pier1 in ortigas. First we went to Off The Grill, then Tapika, then Baga. Road trip ba? He was telling telling me nga na it would have been better if we went to Baguio nalang, then we would have had a destination to drive to rather than driving aimlessly around the metro. Was home a little past 4am. We’ll be attending mass tonight and then catching a movie. Can’t wait!

Will try to blog some more tonight, have to meet Dingdong @ starbux for some studying. =) Cheerio!         

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I’ve got a pile of cases to read for Wills tomorrow. It’s sheer luck that Atty. Venturranza didn’t show up in class tonight. Didn’t study din naman e. I have a knack for feeling these things.

I Know I should be studying right now but I had a chat earlier with Lai and the fix that one of our law school friends is in put me in such a dire mood. I feel so bad for her. Ofcourse I can never really relate since I’ve never been married and I’ve never had kids (Thank God!) and I can’t have even come close to how she feels right now — but I know how it feels to be in an abusive relationship. I have the worst taste in men and impliedly that is an admission that I am a poor judge of character (express na!). I’m not exactly gullible but I do have a ’savior complex’. It’s not just me. Most of my law school gal pals do.

I can only speak for myself here, but washed-up guys are an attraction to me. I feel as if I owe it to them to put them in a tad better position than they are currently in when I found them. I’m all for equal rights but not gender neutral on a similar situation. I don’t know why. There’s something about ‘those’ guys which appeal to the cocktail of chemicals in my brain and with a mad gleam in my eye, i dive head-on with an over whelming rush to ’save’ them from whatever bullshit rut they’ve managed to put themselves in. Maybe it’s the "glory" attributable to me when I feel like I’ve turned them into a better person. That altruistic feeling!! BUT, after I’ve taken that dive, I find out that there’s no water in the pool. That I can never change a person. That I can never really start with a clean slate. That I can never really have it all back especially when the whole thing’s a mess and the relationship’s fundamentally broken. Unless I try my hardest and that would mean that I’m just turning a blind eye (MARTYR!?). Dealing with it in silent desperation. I’m not that type of person. I’m forgiving but not forgetful and up until my year of maturity, vengeful and scheming. 

I know that all I can be for my friend is to be there for her. To try to console her and NOT give her advice. I’m in my worst when giving advice. They’re not exactly sound.

Better hit the books and cases before Atty. Cruz gets my sorry ass. 

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Last night was positively alcohol-free! I think I’ll try the road less travelled for once. No alcohol, cut back on the cigs. It can’t be that hard since I’ve made a dead-end typical law spinster pact with foz!

Woke up to a beautiful day! Went out with Minong (aka pimp-daddy) yesterday to a common friend’s birthday party. Was home by 3am. Relatively early since I’m known to be partying till the wee hours of morning. But then again, I wasn’t with jay. Come to think of it, yesterday was the first saturday night I spent without him since we reverted to the ‘good ol days’. As I was saying, went home early since I was with Minong and I didn’t want to put the poor guy to sleep at the wheel. He’s not used to partying all night (puro aral kase!) and I was considering the fact that he has to drive all the way home to Alabang. He took really good care of me and I enjoyed the night out with his Ateneo friends. Dude! Don’t worry, I’ll put in a good word for you. I’ll even ask around for the name of your crush as a bonus! Hehehe.

Yesterday was Civ. Pro and Labor Rel day. Still haven’t been called on to recite by Atty. Sandoval. I must be the only one left which means that I’ll probably have first digs come Wednesday! Yesterday’s bloopers? Went to school super early was was shocked to see that jay was there na! Must be another cold day in hell. Had breakfast @ McDo and was supposed to go to this photo shop to get the print for atty. diaz (that’s anel to me. Next level na eh!) but we desisted when I saw that access to the shop was the same one used to enter the cheap motel!! Hahaha. Thanks, but no thanks! Rather not risk it. My rep’s all I have! Didn’t do much in Labor Relations. Guess Atty. Tuozo was in a chipper mood and he didn’t really feel like terrorising us. It’s all good. Didn’t really get much studying done. Jay kept bugging me with his pens! Oh yeah! Next time I won’t sit next to you na; not because di ka maka aral but rather the other way around! Don’t make lame excuses. You can’t study when I’m around kase I have that effect on you! Harhar! Serves you right being called on to recite on both our classes kulit mo kase. Intruding into my space and "ejecting" my elbow! Sama tuloy tingin satin ni Tuozo! HAHAHA! Pays to have Justice Foz for a name no? And being related to THE Justice Foz doesn’t do squat either? Ok. Enough tampo tampo!

We got dismissed early and then started my looooooong wait for Minong at the SC Office. Twas sweet of him to let me leave my car here at home and hitch a ride with him. Yesterday was terrif! And it wasn’t because I saw Anel (ehem!) but because I know my friends are behind me 105% all the way. Lai mare, thanks for the text messages. Miss hanging out with you.

Gotta go!! Got to encode some reviewers pa for the bar ops. I’m pretty sure I didn’t sign up for that but what the heck.. it’s for a good cause. What goes around, comes around.

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Got my phone back!! Missed it like crazy!

Do I look like I’ve had my nose done? I feel mixed emotions. First, because it gives the impression that my nose is ‘less than perfect’ [OUCH!] and it somehow improved over the summer [YIPEE!] and second, because it came from someone I really admire [YIPEEYAHOOEY!]. Tssk tsk.. Too bad he’ll be taking a sabatical next month. I’ll miss him. OMG! I feel like a schoolgirl with a crush!Hold up — I AM A SCHOOLGIRL WITH A CRUSH!! I’ve been crushing on this guy for like forever!   

I hate thursdays!I hate restrictions and I hate inhibitions! I hate being bound and rushed into doing something at the last minute simply because someone didn’t do what they were supposed to do. Went to Congo Grill lastnight after class thinking that I might have some free in the morning. I really needed to unwind. Read like crazy for Civ Pro class under Atty. Salvador and was so disappointed because I wasn’t called on to recite. Had to go home early because apparently, someone didn’t post the assignment for Legal Couseling which has been faxed by Atty Rico a couple of days ago! GRRR.. Now I have to cram all 10 or so cases and I’m supposed to bring my Labor Code and Rules Of Court Codal to school. I’m not even prepared for that! Heck, haven’t even finised the essay she assigned! Oh yeah, speaking of the essay, bagong-bago and topic! "Why I want to be LAwyer." Been getting texts like crazy from classmates breathing down my back that as the class president I should do something about it. Uh oh! Sangkalan nanaman ako.. Pwede! I’m on it na!

WHEW!! Glad I finally got that out!

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